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K9 Cop
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07/26/09 23:06:53
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I decided to post this for those officers who are thinking ¨That would never happen to me¨ or ¨I would never do that¨, because I used to think the same thing. In 2005 I was suddenly forced to retire due to an accident. Being a cop and working the streets was my entire life for 24 years and it was gone in an instant. My K9 partner retired with me and that is the ONLY thing that kept me from eating my Sig. She was what I held onto. She gave me a reason to get up each day. I still had a partner I could trust. My German Shepherd died unexpectedly last year two days after Christmas, and ever since that day, life has meant nothing, and yea, I think about eating my gun several times a week. So if you think it can´t happen to you my brother, that you are ¨To Strong¨ to think about suicide, think again. I had the reputation on our department for being strong, unshakable and always willing to take point. I was prepared for ANYTHING the streets could throw my way. What I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR was suddenly watching my life disintegrate. You unconsciously become dependent on the ¨Brotherhood¨, it is an unspoken bond with people you know have your back. People you can trust. And when you loose that, your life changes. You are suddenly thrust into a world where the people you trusted with your life, called friend, brother and partner are no longer a part of your daily life. The isolation you begin to feel is deep, painful and unshakable. Only cops can understand other cops. You know John Q citizen will never understand, and that's who you end up being stuck around all the time. Trips to the station house just to say hello helps, but your buddies are either on their way in or on their way out, and NOTHING can replace the talks and the BS sessions in the empty parking lots, squad to squad parked next to each other. I obviously don´t have the solution. Maybe there is none. All I can tell you is no matter how strong you are or how strong you think you are, it is a painful and difficult life once the daily comradery you have grow used to over the years is suddenly gone.
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Brother officer
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07/22/09 21:24:53
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Andy: your message in Buena Park was powerful and won't be forgotten by any of us that were there. May good health stay with you so you can keep delivering your ideas and inspiration for many years to come. God bless you Brother.
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Jim M.
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07/20/09 22:36:08
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Thank you for this and for believing. I wish I had this 14 years ago. Words don't come easy for me, but thank you all, and God bless you all. Never give up, hold on and know that you are still brothers and sisters.
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Dick Augusta
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06/12/09 13:02:09
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Paul: You are an old friend, who's friendship I always enjoy. We are both Combat Shooting survivors, who have been sadly ignored by our own "family"...CHP. Combat Shooting survivors are few and far between the "rank & file". I'll always remember that we both attended a weekend seminar on Critical Incident Peer Support Teams, way before anybody on CHP even heard of the term... The fact that we are both Combat Shooting survivors gives us unique status in a Club of "Blood Brothers".
Dick Augusta BOL Member
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Andy O'Hara
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06/11/09 22:56:42
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A thoughtful post, too. I hope you came out of your shooting ok, Paul, or that at least you're well today. You are a friend here 
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