The Badge of Life Program is about

Mack Trucks and Bumblebees.

 

For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do.  As a police officer, I’d always been able to make a decision.  

 

Now, sitting on the bedroom floor with my service revolver, I couldn’t decide whether to shoot myself up through the mouth or the into side of the head.  I loaded and reloaded the gun as I tried to think it through, fingers trembling.  I turned the gun into my face and the barrel seemed huge.

 

I’d had it all.  I followed my grandfather into law enforcement, was valedictorian of my class, was first on the sergeants list, and spent 20 of my 24 years on the road.  I had become a respected field sergeant and treasured nothing more than wearing the blue and gold of the California Highway Patrol. 

 

Now, I loaded the gun the last time, took a deep breath and raised the gun, determined to blow out my brains and end it quickly.  Hearing my wife’s car pulling into the driveway, however,  startled me back into reality, confused me and, within hours, I was in a hospital psychiatric unit, in tears and beginning a years-long struggle that continues to this day.  I still suffer from nightmares, bouts of anxiety, guilt and paranoia.  I have to leave a movie or television show that contains screaming.

 

How often I've wished PTSD could be 'cured' with a few magical weeks in therapy.

 

How often I've wished I had a bullet wound I could show to prove my injury.

 

How often I've wished I could sleep at night without having pray for freedom from The Dreams. 

 

I did learn that my diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder was not uncommon to police officers—but was one of those “dirty little secrets” departments didn’t talk about.  It was an accumulation of traumatic events I “shrugged off” for years.  But the brain never forgets.  Screams.  Wrestling someone for my own gun.  An officer's face half gone.  Mistakes made and regretted.  The secrets and the shame of falling short of duty and honor in your own eyes until your heart and soul have nothing left and nowhere to go. 

The Mack trucks are the catastrophic events that bring about posttraumatic stress disorder.  They are those big events that can flatten an officer and wound him emotionally.  Because they are so often easily identified, police agencies have gotten better at identifying them:  the shootouts, the loss of a partner, the death of a child.  All systems are “Go” when it comes to catastrophic incidents.  Everyone sits up and pays attention, debriefings are held, and referrals to licensed professionals are made when appropriate.  Early intervention following trauma is crucial; because they are caught early, the return-to-work rate is high.

    

The Bumblebees are the incidents that aren’t “headliners,” that go totally missed by everyone, even the officer.  These fit into the “cumulative” category, like little bumblebee stings that don’t go away and accumulate over the years and decades of an officer’s career.  These bumblebee stings are the “dirty little secrets” of law enforcement.  They are the shames, the mistakes, the betrayals that only the officer knows about (or only the officer takes to heart).

    

Make no mistake about it—cumulative PTSD is not only difficult to spot and cure, it is deadly.  For every police suicide, we are convinced--by observation--that there are a thousand law enforcement officers out there continuing to work while fighting nightmares, anxiety, disintigrating relationships, alcoholism, and much more.  We can reduce this drastically by the simplest of measures!

     

It is so simple that we are criminally negligent in not doing it!

 

HOW DO WE KNOW THIS?

 

One sign that many such cases may be contributing to police suicides are the reports of officer deaths during 2008 in the United States.  By following press reports alone, we have found 42 officers who committed suicide since the first of the year.  Of these, only one had been recognized as a suicide risk.  Six of the 42 were facing administrative actions and were overlooked.  Of the remainder, for which no cause was given, we find such reactions as:

     

"It was an absolute surprise."

"We were shocked."

"No one saw it coming."

"He was a happy-go-lucky guy."

"He was a good kid, quiet kid, no problems."

"I can't imagine the troubles that led her to do this."

"His death was a shock."

 

Clearly, something was troubling these officers, something that went undetected.  In one "surprise suicide," the department had 40 Peer Support Officers!  Peer Support Officers cannot read minds, unfortunately, and there are no signs that this particular officer showed any signs of angst or torment.  There was no visible “catastrophic event” or “horror” to set the alarm bells ringing in the supervisor’s office.  Nonetheless. whether their problems were of on or off-duty origin, suicides like these are “slipping through the radar.”

 

 

What is Our Answer?

Our first target is the 626 police academies in the United States and, as we call them in Canada, our law enforcement colleges (of which there are ten).    These institutions are graduating 60,000 new officers annually.  Think of the difference we can make by infusing a whole new attitude towards mental health and better preparing them to meet the challenges more head on!

 

As we say over and over--it's not only about police suicide--it's about having healthier personnel out there on the beat!

 

Academies now teach cadets how to deal with the emotionally ill, but spend virtual minutes on how to manage their own emotions.  We spend hours training them to shoot others, with little time addressing how to keep from shooting themselves.  Academy programs must be expanded so as to train cadets on the realities of the road, minus the “shock and awe” presentations often used to convince them that police work is “one minute of boredom followed by hours of intense excitement and sheer terror.” 

 

If we truly wish to change the suicide picture, we must begin with our cadets and, class by class, begin infusing our forces with officers trained in emotional self-care and ready to take healthy steps before trauma occurs.  It is in doing this, class by class, year by year, that we are convinced we could reduce suicides among law enforcement officers by 75 percent.

 

The cadets are the "seeds" with which we invest in a healthy future for law enforcement as a whole!

 

Our primary goal is to get all officers into a therapist's office of their own choice, voluntarily and confidentially, at least once a year, for a 'mental health checkup' --as routinely as they get their teeth cleaned.

 

And what if they don’t feel the need?  Then they should most definitely go.  Why?  Because not only is the visit to review disturbing incidents of the past year, it is to seek out and find the hidden trauma of which the officer may not yet be aware (read again: cumulative trauma”).   It's a "review."  Older officers can tell you--it's a chance to catch the "demons" before they get too settled.

 

This message must be conveyed to new and veteran officers as well.  This is where Peer Support Officers and the organization are crucial.  With 18,000 police agencies in the United States alone and 800,000 officers, we want officers to know the "Mental Health Prescription" (annual visits) is for everyone, and should be included in Peer Support discussions, squad training sessions, and annual training. 

 

Rather than waiting for Humpty Dumpty to begin teetering, we believe preparation and empowerment are the keys to good mental health among officers.  We advocate a program of 6 hours cadet training (this can be varied to meet a departments needs and limitations), which includes workshops and discussion periods with retirees and peer support officers.  The cadet of today, we find, is open and ready for this.  They understand the need—once it’s presented to them!

 

ONE KEY TO OUR SUCCESS IS A STRONG PEER SUPPORT SYSTEM:  Not only can peer support officers be involved in the academy portion of our training, they can prove instrumental in carrying the principals of the our program out to veteran officers (and maintaining a focus on it).  Peer support officers can serve an even more important role than ever under the "Badge of Life" program--not only must they continue to be available for officers in distress, they must promote the importance of good, preventive self-care through the "Mental Health Prescription."

 

This must be done during squad training sessions, through briefing items and through one-on-one interactions.

 

Most evidence thus far points to the peer support officer as an integral part of the mental health network in law enforcement.  Many incumbent officers, due to upbringing and cultural influences, remain suspicious of therapists.  The peer support officer is not only an important intermediary for them, he/she provides the younger officer an important level of acceptance and a source of support and referral.  

 

MENTORING FOR NEW OFFICERS:  We are strong advocates of "mentoring programs" for new officers, wherever possible.  Borrowing from the 12-step's model of "sponsoring," we feel there is great value to teaming individual new officers with responsible retirees (or senior officers) outside the formal departmental work/training structure.  Through informal, off-duty contacts, be they personal or telephone, young officers will have an opportunity to ask questions and discuss issues outside the "police culture" and rely on affirmative support and guidance.  Given the culture shock of the transition from academy "invulnerability" to street "uncertainties," this can prove a tremendously encouraging and stabilizing process to employ.

 

IT'S NOT "ONLY" ABOUT SUICIDE: The entire focus of our program represents a shift in gears.  It’s no longer “just” about police suicide.  It’s about having emotionally healthier and, yes, happier officers out on the beat.  Administrators MUST recognize the importance of this last point and the savings potential of having healthier officers: in lawsuits, abuse complaints, sick leave, administrative actions, suspensions, alcoholism and, of course, suicide.

 

We can make it happen—if we choose to.

 

"We" are many.

 

 

 

                               

SUICIDE DATA TRACKING:

 

One other area of grave concern to us that must be addressed, apart from direct training, is the lack of data available on police suicides. 

 

Wild figures fly about regarding police suicide numbers, but none are accurate.  The best come from local studies, but these cannot be applied on a national level.  We are actively soliciting police agencies, unions and volunteer groups like ours to join with us in advocating that the FBI initiate, through county coroner’s offices, a tracking system of police suicides in the United States.  For too long, suicides have been covered up and misreported—one researcher found evidence of 20 percent such cases.  This is shameful, for it deprives us of the very data we need for suicide prevention programs.

 

We are currently working with Survivors of Law Enforcement Suicide (SOLES) to establish contacts, re-explore these possibilities and, if necessary, begin lobbying for implementation of an effective tracking and morbidity recording system at the federal level.  Ultimately, we would like to see a similar system developed for Canadian law enforcement.

 

 

Everything we do is free, seminars included.  If you adopt this program in whole or in part, it is your program--and we are here merely to help you.  The Badge of Life staff is a resource at your disposal--free.  Our content is copyrighted only because we don't wish someone to take these life-saving ideas and turn them into a money-making enterprise.  If you are a legitimate law enforcement agency, you are welcome to everything here--but we'd love to hear from you!  Currently, because we lack funding, we ask only for assistance with long-range travel expenses.  To contact us for more information or help, simply go to our CONTACT page.